Denny Dance Rehearsal: Tomorrow

Just when I thought I couldn't love this sweet mama & this precious little man more!  Please keep the Schoonmaker family in your prayers, forever.  This is a loss that you just never get over.  #TeamDenny

holden is talking!!!

I try to keep my bragging to a minimum, but after watching this awesome video over and over and over and over and over again, I just have to share! It just doesn't seem fair to keep it to myself, so hello world! Holden is talking!!!smile emoticon

I hate Valentines Day...

Ya'll, I hate Valentines Day.

Always have, probably always will.

I'm probably one of the very few ladies who says this and truly means it.

For the past 15 years, Jenn & I have joked about how much we hate red roses and lace doilies and hearts and chocolates and all things Valentines day.

Maaaany years ago, I had a first date on Valentines Day.  It was with a guy I had noticed at the gym for quite some time, so I should have been pretty excited about it.  But... instead, I asked him if Jenn could join us!  No clue why that one didn't work out, but Jenn & I had a great night!  ;)  Possibly not my finest dating move, but I just hate that one day THAT MUCH.  It's just so commercialized and cheesy.  And then add a first date on top of that, too much!!!

But as much as I hate it?  There's still so much pressure!

Over-acknowledge it, and it's too much.  But fail to acknowledge it at all?  And it's a total slap in the face.

You love me?  Great!  Go out of your way to show me that every single day!!

You don't love me?  You clearly have very poor taste, and this day/night can only end with my telling you that.

You're still figuring it out?  Me too!  So why is February 14th the deadline to figure it out?!?!  Too much pressure!

Let's go out to dinner on Valentines!  No thanks, I've worked in fine dining.  It is worst night ever to go out to eat!

Let's spend it at home?  Now we're talking, but you better make it special.  Or... are you just being lame?

You had flowers delivered (#1, they better not be roses, I hate roses).  #2, what a waste of money, #3, I would rather you hand deliver them!

You didn't bring me flowers!?!?!  I hate you!

As far as I'm concerned, Valentines Day should be best known as the day that reminds everyone that my birthday is only 10 days away.  And, THAT, is a day worth celebrating!!!  :)

Rants from the one chic who seriously just hates Valentines Day.  In my mind, this is one day that you're darned if you do, darned if you don't.  Maybe I'll change my mind one of these days, but it hasn't happened yet!!!  ;)

And yet... it still seems to keep on coming back around!

Just a blessed single mom... keeping it real! :)

I have the BEST best friends in the world.  I can count my forever friends on one hand, and I am not lying when I say that they are just, simply, THE BEST!  And bless their hearts (I'm a born and raised, fat back fed, Southern Belle, I have to preface many a statement with that phrase)  ;) ... they are the first to say "Shea, you put waaay too much on facebook".  I know they are looking out for me, so I always smile and say, "Bless your heart!... I know I do, thank you."  And I mean that.  They are looking out for me, and I appreciate that.  But you know what?  I'm okay with what I put on facebook.  I'm just being me.  I'm just being real.  I have no interest in creating some kind of false persona of who I am or showcasing only the very best moments of our lives.  I just want to be me.  I just want to be real.  I don't divulge private family secrets or the password to our alarm system.  I am who I am and I'm okay with that.  I wish more people were the same way.

It has taken me a loooong time to figure out who I am.  And I am proud of the person I have become.  Are there still many things I would like to accomplish and many qualities, I would would like to focus on?  Of course!  But for now...  I'm pretty content with just being... me!  I'm intense, I'm deep, I'm introspective and I love to over-analyze.  I'm all in,  all the time!  But you can always trust that I'm real!  :)  And yes, my intensity can be a bit too much for some people.  And that's okay.  That probably just means that we are better off as casual acquaintances than as best friends.  :)

There is nothing I love more than deep conversation.  What I don't do is superficial.  I don't do pretenses.  I don't pretend to be someone I'm not.  It's taken me a long time to get to where I am now, and I wouldn't change a thing!

So... if I share something on facebook, I'm just sharing because that's what I do.

I won't lie... I probably post a bit more right now because at night, after the kids are in bed, I can get a little lonely.  I would love to be snuggled up on the couch with my soul mate watching movies and having deep conversations.  But, that isn't my life right now, and I don't have that person to share all of my thoughts with, so... I write.  I share.  I open up my heart to my friends.  It's too much for some, but it's just right for others.  And I appreciate the connection.  :)

I absolutely believe that there are limits as to what you should share online... do I divulge intimate details of my relationships, past or present?  Absolutely not!  Would I ever share details of my children's lives that might embarrass them (now OR later?)  No way!!  But I have no problem sharing the struggles (and joys!) my sweet little family of three encounters as a single parent family.  I have no problem sharing the struggles (and successes!) that Holden encounters as a child with Autism.  I have no problem sharing the happiness I feel from being the head of a HAPPY home, nor do I have a problem sharing the loneliness I encounter as a single mom.  So... that might be too much honesty for some, but it's the perfect amount of real for me!  Thank you for reading and for loving us through our highs and lows, our struggles and our successes!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... invest in us, and you've invested in a good cause!  We look forward to your continued support as we struggle through the hard times and we look forward to your shared excitement as we celebrate so many more accomplishments and meet so many more goals and milestones!  :)

Just a blessed single mom, keeping it real!  :)

Happy 4th Birthday, Holden!! :)

Keep it cute, keep it comfy, keep it cheap: Love on big brother edition

This was just a casual day at home this Fall.  Holden was having a rough day (can you tell by his face?)  Poor little man...  :(  But going outside and just sitting in the stroller and being left alone seemed to help a bunch... after about 30 minutes, he felt much better and joined us in outdoor fun!  #AutismAwareness

Little man wears:

Top:  Naartjie, yard sale, $0.33

Pants:  Naartjie, yard sale, $0.33

Shoes:  New Balance, yard sale, $0.33 (at this age, when you find shoes that are pratically new, from a clean home, just throw them in the wash and them wipe them out with a clorox wipe and you're good to go!  Just be selective!!  And look for "like new"!)

Total outfit (including shoes):  $1

Sweet little sister wears:

Top:  Naartjie, yard sale, $2

Pants:  Hanna Andersson, consignment store, $3

Shoes:  boutique, consignment sale, $1

Total outfit (including shoes):  $6

Keep it cute, keep it comfy, keep it cheap: backyard edition

Baby girl wears:

Mini Boden coat, hand-me-down: $0

Total outfit: $0

Mr. Man wears:

I am "3" tee, Old Navy, $3

Pants:  Wonder Kids, consignment sale, previously accounted for

Total outfit: $3

Play clothes for two:  $3

Radney Foster "Half of My Mistakes"

i love this song...

Hunter Hayes - I Want Crazy (Full Lyric Video) HQ

I don't want good and I don't want good enough
I want can't sleep, can't breathe without your love...

You can listen to your mind... but you have to follow your heart.

(you know, just another hallmark Christmas movie...)  ;)

The Notebook - Feels Like Home

this.  nothing less.

Things I've Done Since My Divorce... That I'm Pretty Darn Proud Of...

1. Stopped caring what most people think of me.

2. Traveled alone (solo!)... and traveled alone with both kids!

3. Confidently started saying "table for one" without being apologetic.

4. Laughed at my level of happiness.

5. Asked for help when I needed it.

6. Received help from the most unexpected places, even when I didn't realize I needed it!

7. Got my old name back.

8. Checked off "Head of Household" on more than one form.

9. Started every day off counting my blessings.

10. And ended every day by counting them again!

11. Learned to soak up every second and take pure joy just in being present in the moment with the ones I love.

12. Learned how to handle the logistics of "life" all by myself. That might sound crazy, but this was the first year I navigated "life" without my dad. It was rough. But I survived! (see below...)

13. Set up a special needs trust for Holden

14. Created a will.

15. Started thinking for myself.

16. Put more time and emphasis on relationships I had neglected.

17. Asked God for help.

18. Took joy in, and put priority on, the little things in life... like bi-monthly mani-pedis with Harper!

19. Regained a healthy outlook on the future AND released 18 lbs of toxic weight!

20. Genuinely began looking forward to the future! 

Hang in there. You're in for one hell of a ride!

Sharing from Huffington Post Divorce...

8 Years a Divorcee: 8 Things I'd Tell My Freshly Divorced Self

The holiday season is a crazy one. Time seems to move faster, obligations pile up all around us and there are hundreds of things we think we should be doing at any given moment. It's hard to put the brakes on in November and December. But that's exactly what I've been doing.

You see, there are two dates that have special meaning to me during this rushed, exciting season. Not special like the birth of a child or a holiday, but things happened on those dates that have made indelible marks on my life. Kind of made me who I am today. And for those reasons, I acknowledge them. Not with any fanfare, mind you. There are no announcements made, no celebrations to be had. But still. I pause, momentarily on each of these days, and remember.

The first one hits in November. It's my now-defunct wedding anniversary. We got married on Thanksgiving. I was a blushing bride, five months pregnant and giddy with anticipation to begin a new phase in life. I have nothing but good memories of that day; despite the giddiness gradually giving way first to complacency and then to much darker emotions, the memories are nice.

Then, just around the corner, is the anniversary of my divorce. That one lands in the beginning of December. Thirteen years, a house and four kids later. The memories of this one aren't pretty or fun or dotted with sweet flashbacks. It was the final blow of a two-years-long beating, and in some ways it was a blessing. The date used to be a black mark on my calendar, THE DAY EVERYTHING ENDED. Now, I see it more as THE DAY EVERYTHING BEGAN.

It's 8 years now. There were times I didn't think I'd live through the first year, but I did. And each year after that as well. Some were harder to get through than others, but here I am: older, wiser and somehow...happier. I wish I could go back in time and let Newly Divorced Jenny know that things were going to be okay. I'd sit down with that terrified, sad woman, make her a dirty martini (which she didn't know would become her favorite cocktail) and tell her what I've learned:

1. You did the best you could. There will be people who are going to make you feel guilty about being divorced. Make you feel as if you didn't try hard enough, didn't make the right sacrifices. Your ex is going to do this, too. Head games and guilt trips and bizarre behavior that will make you question every single thing you've done to get to this point, this consciously uncoupled state. Screw them. And screw the notion that you didn't try to save your marriage with everything you had. You did try, you tried harder than most people would have. You showed more grace than necessary, more class than needed. You became the poster child for dignity, and you did all of that while solo-parenting four children. Own your part in this, my dear: you rocked it.

2. You should sell the house, right now. Sell it, give it to your ex, do whatever you can do to get this albatross off your neck. Yes, I know it's a box full 'o memories, but my friend...it's time to be done. The three mortgages will end up breaking your back, and your credit. You're going to discover, albeit a little bit late in the game, that home is indeed where the heart is. And you can move your heart somewhere better. You're hanging onto it for all the wrong reasons. To quote a movie that your kids will thankfully be too old to become obsessed with, "LET IT GO."

3. Don't rush into the dating thing. Honey, I know you're hellbent on getting back into the game, that you need to show yourself and everyone else that you can still do it, but slow down. Focus on repairing. There is brokenness all around you, and despite the nagging feeling that you're missing Mr. Right, you need to be in fixing mode for a while. Believe me...if Mr. Right is out there, he'll wait until you're ready. That's why he's Mr. Right. Oh, and FYI: when you see the Mullet guy on eHarmony,just say no. Dude did time for domestic assault. And he's still married. A married felon. You're welcome. And now please see #4.

4. You will have sex again. And again, and again. Remember that day, after some of the fog began clearing, and you realized your sole source of all things sex-related was gone? I do. You were getting the mail and actually said, out loud, "Oh my God. Who am I going to have sex with now that he's gone?" Fifteen years of being with just one person is kind of habit-forming (well, at least it was for you). For a long time after he left, sex was the furthest thing from your mind. But then it wasn't.  Know that the desire to have sex is natural. But take this advice: choose wisely. Believe it or not, you will have several fellas to choose from. Some will be fun to flirt with, and some will be best left alone. I will tell you that the guy who is remodeling your neighbor's kitchen is definitely one of the latter. I know you're lonely, girl, but do you not see his striking resemblance to Captain Caveman? PASS.

5. You aren't going to hate him forever. No, not Kevin James. It's 2014 and we still can't stand that actor. Seriously, must you pull out the 'dancing fat guy' shtick in every single movie, Paul Blart? The "him" I'm referring to is your ex-husband. Right now, there is nobody on earth you love less. Lucifer himself sounds like a fabulous companion compared to the man who broke your heart. But there will be a day when the hate is just gone. Poof. You will change his name in your phone from "A HOLE" to "HIS REAL NAME." Your lips won't purse and your nose won't wrinkle and your eyes won't scrunch when you speak of him. No, you will never be the president of his fan club, but you will be relieved of the back-breaking burden that is hate. And it will feel all kinds of amazing. In the meantime? Take advantage of that hatey energy. Clean the damn garage.

6. Wait, what? Another dirty martini? Of course! Didn't I say you'd love them?

6. Your kids will survive. Oh sweet Jesus of Nazareth. The children. It's almost unbearable to look at them right now, isn't it? The pain is so fresh and so vivid in their faces. That's where most of the rage comes from, my dear. I mean, yeah, it bites the big one to be cheated on, but your kids? The dismemberment of your marriage has hurt your offspring, and that evokes an almost-otherworldly fury from you. Know this, woman: each one of them hurts, that's true. They handle their pain in different ways. Four kids, four ways of dealing with it. None of them are easy, and a couple of them are downright horrifying. You're going to be tested, my friend. Your limits to what you can take are going to be pulled and stretched like taffy, until you think you cannot possibly handle anything else. And then you get more to handle.

Spoiler alert. You handle it like a gosh darn boss. The two older ones? They are almost 21 and 19 now. Both in college. Both thriving and healthy and happy. One of them is in love! The two younger ones are still home with you. They are both giant teenagers now and spending time with them is like a salve on your soul. You have wonderful relationships with all of the kids. Thick as thieves, you are. And you know why? Because you stuck it out with them. You were there for them when they needed you, and you never, ever gave up.

(P.S. For Christmas of 2012 our daughter Molly buys you a toaster. You hide in the kitchen so the kids can't see you bawling over a freaking toaster. Yeah, you are still a big crybaby. Sorry.)

7. This is going to feel like the worst thing ever. Until you realize it's not. Your middle name is going to be Woe Is Me for a while, and honey, that's okay. Woe is you, no question. But then you're going to notice that planet Earth has been merrily spinning away while you were embroiled in what felt like mortal combat. People's lives were changing, kids were growing, the economy was getting ready to take a massive dump. Things are going to happen, some bad things, some scary things. People you love are going to get sick. You and the kids are going to hit some hard bumps in the road.

You're going to discover that your divorce, as painful and exhausting and traumatic as it was, wasn't the end of the world. It sucked, no doubt about it. But it didn't kill you. You will learn the difference between "bad" and "awful", my friend. It's not a pretty lesson, but it's something you never forget.

8. There is no limit to what you can achieve. This one is the most important, so I'm going to repeat it: THERE IS NO LIMIT TO WHAT YOU CAN ACHIEVE.Oh, what's that? You say that getting out of bed these days takes all you have? I get it. And that's okay. It's to be expected. Your world was torn asunder, girl, it takes time to recover. Time to work everything out. And when you're living in the aftermath of a brutal divorce, everything doesn't always work out with ease. You're going to face obstacles that scare the crap out of you, challenges that make you feel like a tiny, trembling David staring up at a gnarly, giant Goliath.

Get this: You're going to learn how to manage money and balance a checkbook and do your own taxes! You'll figure out how to change the bulbs in your car lights. You'll install a garbage disposal and hook up wireless routers and you'll talk to your teens about sex and love and condoms. You're going to become a fierce advocate for your children, you're going to ask for help when you need it and give help when asked. You're going to be stronger and smarter and tougher and more tender than you ever imagined you'd be. You're going to write like a mofo, and find so many friends and opportunities when you do.

You're going to love. You're going to be loved. You're going to adopt a dog who sheds so much but who will own substantial real estate in your heart (and much to your chagrin, the couch).

The day is going to come when getting out of bed is easy and you do it early every morning and work hard all day and then go home to be with your family at night. You're never going to master cooking much more than your curry chicken and a decent pot roast but that's okay. The kids still love Costco pizza.

Eight years will pass in the blink of an eye even though some of the days and nights seem as if they will never end. Eight years, and look at all the good things that have happened. Look how much light and love and laughter there is in your life. I can't even begin to picture what the next eight will bring.

So, my younger, freshly divorced self (and anyone else who fits the bill), hang in there. You're in for one hell of a ride.

But...I'm here waiting for you at the end. Waiting with a hug and a spot on the couch next to me and an ice cold dirty martini. It's all going to be okay, and it's all going to be worth it.

I promise.

This post first appeared on Jennifer's semi-neglected blog, The Happy Hausfrau. You can read more about divorce, single parenting and her obsession with Louis CK there.

Keep it cute, keep it comfy, keep it cheap - Winter Family Picture Edition

Little man wears:

Red gingham button down shirt: Ralph, Marshall's, $19 (SPLURGE)...

but in my mind, red doubles as Christmas and NC State!  :)

Sweater:  Gymboree, Consignment Sale (NEW WITH TAGS!), $10

Pants:  Wonder Kids, consignment sale, $2

Shoes:  Pediped, consignment store (accounted for in a previous post)

Total outfit: $31

Baby girl wears:

Red turtleneck: j. Khaki, Consignment Store (NEW WITH TAGS!), $2

Fur vest: Baby Gap, Consignment store, $1.75

Pants:  Wonder Kids, consignment sale, $2

Shoes:  accounted for in a previous post

Total outfit: $5.75

Mama wears:

Layering top: No brand, yard sale, $1

Poncho sweater:  Forever 21, online, $30 (SPLURGE!!)

Jeans:  J.Brand, gift (thanks Mom & Dad, best gift!!)

Boots:  unbranded, Sears, $9 (STEAL!)

Bracelets:  J. Crew (gifted)

Total outfit:  $40

Photo shoot clothing expenditure for three:  $76.75

Memories:  PRICELESS!  :)

Keep it cute, keep it comfy, keep it cheap - Thanksgiving edition

Counting my greatest blessings!!

 Little man wears:

Long sleeve shirt & vest: Tea, consignment sale, $10

Pants:  The Bailey Boys, consignment sale, $2.50

Shoes:  Pediped, consignment store (accounted for in a previous post)

Total outfit: $12.50

Mama wears:

Tunic:  Umgee, consignment store, $10

Tank Top:  Forever 21, $4

Pants:  Converse, Target, $8

Shoes:  Old Navy, $20

Total outfit:  $42

Baby girl wears:

Dress: Matilda Jane, NWT, consignment sale, $18

Long sleeve top:  The Children's Place, yard sale, $1

Tights:  Consignment sale, $0.50

Shoes (not pictured): Gymboree, consignment store, $8

Total outfit: $27.50 (shoes, including shoes)

A Love I Never Thought I'd Find

There's a place I've been looking for

That took me in and out of buildings

Behind windows, walls and doors

And I thought I found it

Couple times, even settled down

And I'd hang around just long enough

To find my way back out

...

And I wouldn't change a thing

I'd walk right back through the rain

Back to every broken heart

On the day that it was breaking

And I'd relive all the years

And be thankful for the tears

I've cried with every stumbled step

That ... got me here, right here

It's amazing what I let my heart go through

...

And I'd relive all the years

And be thankful for all the tears

I've cried with every stumbled step

That led to you and got me here, right here.

*****

So grateful to be right where I am today with my sweet babies, my mama and my little sister. Happy Thanksgiving, friends and family! Praying that your blessings are many and your worries are few!!!

http://youtu.be/urhY-zXSweQ

Keep it cute, keep it comfy, keep it cheap: Birthday party edition

Little man wears:

Long sleeve shirt: boutique, consignment sale, $1

Pants:  naartjie, yard sale, $0.33

Total outfit: $1.33

Baby girl wears:

Romper: yard sale, NWT, $1

Bow:  Walmart, $1

Total outfit: $2

Keep it cute, keep it comfy, keep it cheap: play clothes edition

Little man wears:

Long sleeve shirt: Ralph Lauren, consignment sale, $3

Pants:  Kelly's Kids, ebay, $5

Jacket:  Mini Boden, hand-me-down, $0

Shoes: (not pictured), Pediped, accounted for in previous post

Total outfit: $8

Baby girl wears:

Embroidered tee: consignment store, $3

Leggings:  Gymboree, hand-me-downs, $0
Jacket:  Le Top, yard sale, $1

Boots:  Children's Place, yard sale, $1 (at this age, when they are barely worn, just throw them in the wash, and then wipe them out with a clorox wipe and you're good to go!)

Total outfit: $5

Keep it cute, keep it comfy, keep it cheap: School pictures edition

Little man wears:

Plaid shirt: consignment store, $5

Pants:  Little English, consignment sale, $5

Shoes: (not pictured), Pediped, accounted for in previous post

Total outfit: $10

Baby girl wears:

Smocked dress: boutique, consignment store, $4.75

Bow:  mall store, $2

Total outfit: $6.75

School pictures outfits:  $16.75 for both kids

Purchasing school pictures:  $48 for a CD of two pictures!  ;)

Capturing memories:  priceless!!!

Keep it cute, keep it comfy, keep it cheap - tea party edition

Baby girl wears:

Smocked dress: boutique, consignment store, $8

Shoes: (not pictured), Smart Fit, yard sale, $1 (at this age, throw them in the washing machine, wipe them down inside and out with a clorox wipe and you're good to go!)

Necklace:  ebay, $5

Bow:  mall store, $2

Total outfit: $15 (including shoes)